So I don't know how much you believe in astrology, but I definitely understand why people curse Mercury in retrograde and especially after the weird shifts in energy I've been feeling over the last week after the lunar eclipse. I've felt it in my personal, equestrian, and professional life and "roller coaster" doesn't seem to even begin to cover it!
I'm not sure if any of you out there reading this are resonating with that, but if you are, I can only hope that you're hanging in there with me. Because after all, who are we without a little adversity?
We practiced some conditioning work and an obstacle course, but with her 11th birthday on Wednesday, my highlight really was simply existing with Annie in the beautiful weather and reflecting on our time together so far in the last few years. I was feeling a lot of big emotions this week (see above haha) and it just felt so grounding to find moments of peace with her without working on a pre-determined goal or checking the next box.
She constantly reminds me that we need to make more time for play and ease. Even though we don't have any sort of competition goals or concrete things coming up that we need to do, I still find myself occasionally putting quiet pressure on myself to be "doing more" with her even though I really just freaking enjoy hanging out with her.
I tend to be an all or nothing thinker (something I'm working on!) and in the equine realm, I'm just as guilty as needing to check my stuff occasionally when it comes to comparing myself to others and shoulding all over myself. I've definitely come a long way, but I can point out times where I felt that little voice creeping in a bit this week.
What I can see that has changed though, is that I am much more conscious of it and feel less guilt around that little voice's presence. I do my best to thank it for trying to help me but remind it that I'm no good to anyone if I'm not honoring my own needs first. I try to remember that doing what everyone else is doing is likely not best for Annie or myself and that's okay, just how doing whatever I'm doing would likely not always be best for you and your horse.
Along the same line of big emotions, I shared a post from The Holistic Psychologist that centered around why we cry (to release sympathetic energy) and ways that people suppress crying. It brought up a lot for me in that I definitely can remember feeling like I wasn't supposed to cry when it came to horses and riding. Cowgirls are tough and crying is a weakness, essentially.
I don't remember being told this specifically, but rather just that I think I absorbed and adhered to that message for a long time. For a while I also really wore my lack of crying as some sort of badge of honor. Maybe I was putting distance between myself and my emotions so that people wouldn't see me as being too emotional which I perceived for a long time as a negative thing. Especially as a woman.
When I entered my early 20s, I really latched onto how cathartic it was to cry. I started to develop an understanding with myself that it was okay to have full on cry sessions alone or even with someone I really trusted, but that it was totally unacceptable in public or in professional settings. This was the next layer of unburdening myself with the fear of being too emotional.
It wasn't until the last few years that I have really accepted that my body has a preference for crying when it comes to moving me through big emotions, no matter what they are. I cry when I am super happy, sad, angry, grateful, anxious etc. And that's totally okay. I'm recognize that I'm not "too" emotional. I'm the right amount for me and that's what matters most so long as I honor that rather than suppressing it for the comfort of others.
Could I still dissociate and shut that part of me off if I wanted to? Sure, absolutely. But I'm coming to terms with the evolution of myself that doesn't feel the need to do that because it straight up doesn't feel good for me and it doesn't hurt anyone. If that's how I need to process my emotions, so be it.
In fact, I'm actually really proud of it it now. It means that I feel safe enough within myself to feel through my emotions rather than denying them their very valid place in my day-to-day life.
I guess this is all to say that yes, cowgirls are tough as freaking nails, but that doesn't mean the best of 'em don't cry.
Empowering Observations:
Comparison is the thief of joy. Not only is it unhelpful to our mental health and frame of reference that people typically only put their best selves forward on social media, but you must remember that your journey was not supposed to look like everyone else's. You're not alone, but you're certainly unique.
You'll be better off if you allow yourself to feel through your emotions and allow them to run their course rather than interrupting them because you're judging them (and by extension yourself) as "good" or "bad". We experience emotions for a reason, they each serve a vital purpose. Shutting them down from that purpose (which is to move a certain type of energy or vibration) through you means that they stick with you longer and fester, rather than moving on as they're intended to. Your emotions should ultimately be your visitors, not your eternal roommates.
Things I'm Loving This Week
My (ever-growing!) collection of crystals from Spirit Horse Collective! They have definitely been great reminders to me throughout this past energetically chaotic week to keep grounded and mindful of my own intentions.
My various enrichment toys from Horsemen's Pride! I have the amazing graze and a few of the Jolly Hay Balls. They were so much fun to fill with extra special treats for Annie's birthday to allow her to celebrate her birthday all day long. Get 10% off your entire order with code "THEPOSITIVEPONY10"!
Equestrian Reflection
Journal Prompt: The old stories I am choosing to let go of are...
I am choosing to let go of the story that both Annie and I are somehow always are in need of "fixing". I know that we do not need to be fixed, but rather understood and allowed to simply be. Fixing implies that there was something fundamentally wrong with the thing (person, relationship, object, etc.) in the first place rather than as it was supposed to be. Sure, there are times where we need to or desire to evolve, but we always are who we need to be in each moment.
Affirmation: People and animals do change.
Equestrian Oracle
Theme for the Upcoming Week
Wild Card
There has always been a stereotype around chestnut mares where they are perceived to be more difficult and expressive than most. Some would say that you can't just tell a chestnut mare what to do. You have to make it their idea and only then they might consider doing it. They don't change for anyone. Nothing can break them.
While this is just a stereotype, and many horses channel this essence, it is now your turn to express your individuality. You are being offered a wild card, a permission slip to be unapologetically you. It's your time to show up with total authenticity, be selfish in the pursuit of what you want out of life and perhaps even break the rules.
You only live one life (that we know of!), so why not make the most of it? Let yourself be wild.
*The Equestrian Reflection and Equestrian Oracle cards are courtesy of Felicity Davies and can be purchased directly from her here. Full transparency - I receive no financial gain from sharing these, I just love them and find them to be helpful on this journey!